I’ll come right out and admit it– I’m a hedonist. I’m hypersexual. And, I’m kind of romantic. And, I have an over-developed esthetic sensibility.
From my first years of well.. boning, I’ve experienced conflicted feelings about sex toys. First and foremost, they felt wonderful! but they looked… well.
They just never suited me. And they were never as beautiful as my partners deserved.
They looked like… Some guy had stuck his wiener in a can of plaster and poured putty-pink vinyl into the cavity.  It was a lackluster dick and a color never seen on any man. And I sure didn’t want to see it on me!  Like I said, I already had an over-developed visual sense. My mind was filed with images of romance, baby.

tumblr_neopfyfwW01qatfdco1_500If Marie Antoinette, for instance, had gone to her court jeweler and told him to create a toy that she could bring to Trianon for the pleasure of her ladies in waiting– he would have felt compelled to beautify it, not just give her a stick with a rounded end! My baroque toys will feature the exuberant and florid decoration of the period– cast in today’s durable, easily-sterilised  silicone.



fan_de_siecle_viennaIf the painter Gustav Klimt had been seized with a yen to be pegged (a word not yet in anyone’s vocabulary, mind you) by his model, the magnificent Adele Bloch-Bauer, I think he would have looked for something for her with the same fluid lines of Art Nouveau that inform his portraits of her.

At least one toy in every design line will be slim enough for an anal beginner.


Gertrude-and-aliceSupposing Gertrude Stein had wanted– and I hope that she did– to strap one on for her beloved Alice Toklas– I would have liked to create for her something in the Art Deco style so  prevalent during that era.




conch shellAnd then there is this lovely lady… Imagine her lover, his glistening scaled skin. I do love roleplay, (as you will see when my prototypes get harnessed onto bodies) and it occurred to me that mermaids are being dealt short shrift. Where are the mermen, I asked?

There was no answer.

And so, they are being created at my workbench. Several types of mer-lovers will be represented… Hunky; Slender; Tentacled. Each one ready to pleasure a lady of the sea– or the land.

One comment

  1. Walter Matera

    I love it! In time, when the pain wears down, I’ll be looking to get something to play with my eventual new partner. Give me a chance to get things straightened out on this end and I think I’ll be able to be helpful. It’s taking longer than I would like . . .


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